lxexpress
11-11-2005, 08:56 AM
>
>>>Subject: FW: Hangover Ratings
>>>
>>>
>>> One Star Hangover (*)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
>>>relatively well. However, you are still parched.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason,
>>> you
>>>are craving a steak & fries.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Two Star Hangover (**)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
>>> you
>>>have the mental capacity of a staple gun.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,
>>>which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle
>>>House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
>>>bowels.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Three Star Hangover (***)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
>>>productive.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of
>>> the
>>>flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
>>> watching
>>>Friends reruns.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a
>>> diet
>>>Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Four Star Hangover (****)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
>>>else you might puke.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your boss has already blasted you for being late and has given you
>>> a
>>>lecture for reeking of booze.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only
>>>shaved one side of your face.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
>>> the
>>>bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
>>>hurts.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
>>>shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
>>>enters the bathroom!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Five Star Hangover (*****)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
>>> annoying
>>>the employee who sits in the next cube.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You
>>>still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
>>>your
>>>teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue
>>> is
>>>suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
>>>stranger
>>>was passed out in your bed this morning.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of
>>>alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose
>>>of
>>>this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
>>>Death sounds pretty good right about now.
>>>
>>>Subject: FW: Hangover Ratings
>>>
>>>
>>> One Star Hangover (*)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function
>>>relatively well. However, you are still parched.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason,
>>> you
>>>are craving a steak & fries.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Two Star Hangover (**)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but
>>> you
>>>have the mental capacity of a staple gun.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut,
>>>which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle
>>>House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your
>>>bowels.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Three Star Hangover (***)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
>>>productive.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of
>>> the
>>>flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed
>>> watching
>>>Friends reruns.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a
>>> diet
>>>Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Four Star Hangover (****)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or
>>>else you might puke.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your boss has already blasted you for being late and has given you
>>> a
>>>lecture for reeking of booze.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only
>>>shaved one side of your face.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding
>>> the
>>>bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair
>>>hurts.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five
>>>shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
>>>enters the bathroom!
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Five Star Hangover (*****)
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually
>>> annoying
>>>the employee who sits in the next cube.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You
>>>still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing
>>>your
>>>teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue
>>> is
>>>suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
>>>stranger
>>>was passed out in your bed this morning.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of
>>>alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose
>>>of
>>>this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass.
>>>Death sounds pretty good right about now.
>>>