J
04-08-2005, 01:37 PM
*SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!*
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
*Juan on Juan*
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
*The position of the dirt bag*
Why is divorce so expensive?
*Because it's worth it.*
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
*Doughnuts.*
Why is air a lot like sex?
*Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any*
What d o you call a smart blonde?
*A golden retriever.*
What do attorneys use for birth control?
*Their personalities.*
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
*45 lbs*
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
*45 minutes*
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
*Through his chest with a sharp knife.*
Why do men want to marry virgins?
*They can't stand criticism.*
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
*Because those men already have boyfriends.*
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you*
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.*
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
*Because they have cotton balls.*
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.*
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
*"Are you sure it's mine?"*
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
*Mace will do that to you.*
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
*Everyone has the same DNA.*
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
*He walks around saying "Yo."*
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.*
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
*A different bar.*
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
*They named him "Sum Ting Wong*
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?
*A speech impediment.*
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half-mast?
*They're hiring. *
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?
*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with... "a recipe".*
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say
the F word?
*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!*
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
*A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time... - A
southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe
this shit...*
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides .*
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
*Juan on Juan*
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
*The position of the dirt bag*
Why is divorce so expensive?
*Because it's worth it.*
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
*Doughnuts.*
Why is air a lot like sex?
*Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any*
What d o you call a smart blonde?
*A golden retriever.*
What do attorneys use for birth control?
*Their personalities.*
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
*45 lbs*
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
*45 minutes*
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
*Through his chest with a sharp knife.*
Why do men want to marry virgins?
*They can't stand criticism.*
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
*Because those men already have boyfriends.*
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you*
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.*
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
*Because they have cotton balls.*
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.*
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
*"Are you sure it's mine?"*
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
*Mace will do that to you.*
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
*Everyone has the same DNA.*
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
*He walks around saying "Yo."*
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the
car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.*
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
*A different bar.*
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
*They named him "Sum Ting Wong*
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter
than the other?
*A speech impediment.*
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying
at half-mast?
*They're hiring. *
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
northern zoo?
*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
front of the cage along with... "a recipe".*
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say
the F word?
*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!*
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale?
*A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time... - A
southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe
this shit...*
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides .*