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02-18-2005, 10:42 AM
TOP 8 MORONS OF 2004
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter
after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a
$26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and
give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his
own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so
he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
susp! ect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this
her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King
was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a we!
apon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun... Unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating,
were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone
there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ! ran fine,
the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and
pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer!
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter
after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a
$26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man
was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and
give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his
own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so
he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
susp! ect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or
I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this
her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King
was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a we!
apon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun... Unfortunately,
he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the
high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating,
were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of
trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone
there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ! ran fine,
the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and
pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in
place, was the trailer!