lxexpress
08-28-2007, 08:57 AM
1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a
sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend
would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend
needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with
is:
A. The very best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
You tell her that it is:
A. Of no consequence to how you love her and
your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym if she'd
like to.
C. A very conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. An important model to strive for.
B. A myth or an oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship? A. "This time together has been
meaningful for me. I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message
at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time,
understanding, and gentle encouragement before she can cope with that
sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in
the first place.
Evaluating Results:
* If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check
inside your pants to be sure you ARE a man.
* If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check
into therapy.
* If you answered "C" more than 7 times, YOU DA
MAN!
A. Lovemaking.
B. Screwing.
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've
both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a
sexual relationship.
B. Your blood-test results.
C. Five tequila slammers.
3. You carefully pace yourself to time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously.
C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play.
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend
would agree to.
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend
needs to ever find out about.
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with
is:
A. The very best part of the experience.
B. The second best part of the experience.
C. $100 extra.
6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
You tell her that it is:
A. Of no consequence to how you love her and
your affectionate feelings for her.
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym if she'd
like to.
C. A very conservative estimate.
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. An important model to strive for.
B. A myth or an oxymoron.
C. A moron.
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. An appetizer is to entree.
B. Primer is to paint.
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at
the end of a relationship? A. "This time together has been
meaningful for me. I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message
at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time,
understanding, and gentle encouragement before she can cope with that
sort of intimacy.
B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in
the first place.
Evaluating Results:
* If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check
inside your pants to be sure you ARE a man.
* If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check
into therapy.
* If you answered "C" more than 7 times, YOU DA
MAN!